Permanently Stupid

CD30

So I've made it to cycle day 30 without a drop in temperatures and without testing!  I would say both of those make this a success.  I honestly was thinking of testing yesterday or today (which would have been 11 and 12 days post IUI) but I reminded myself that usually this is not a good idea, especially when you are attending a lot of events with babies and pregnant people!  A BFN would not do you well!  

Yesterday my extended family got together to celebrate the September birthdays.  My cousin was there who is due in 2 weeks and I got to feel her baby moving - which was really neat because I hadn't done that before. As you can imagine there was a lot of talk about babies.  Later my other cousin showed up when we were about to leave.  It probably would have been better in DH and I stayed longer to chat with her, but honestly I just couldn't handle another round of pregnancy questions from the whole family (how are you feeling, when do you have another dr's appointment, are you showing yet, etc)
At these events the below saying sums up my thoughts:

Yup, keep it in check Caity.  I hope this cycle works just so I don't have to feel this way anymore.  I hate feeling sad, envious, angry around people I love at a time when I should feel nothing but happiness for them.  I hate the person IF has made me become.  The best I can do is to keep it all inside.

We are all getting together again today to celebrate my niece's 1st birthday.  I spent 1.5 hours yesterday assembling her gift:

 That is Winnie next to it inspecting my work.  Thank goodness there was an online video to walk me through assembly, as I am terrible with that type of thing and who knew kids toys were so complicated to put together?!

I am thinking I am going to test tomorrow morning. I need to ease myself into thinking that this cycle didn't work before we get to the actual blood test on Tuesday... my mind needs time to process this and build up some walls.