Down for the count

CD28 & 13 dpiui

I told DH last night that I was going to test this morning.  At 13 dpiui I figured I was pretty safe to test.  He woke up before me and was excited for testing.  I wanted to test today before my beta tomorrow because I wanted to get the results at home instead of waiting all day for a call from the RE.  It also helps me to ease into a BFN.  So needless to say the results were a BFN. 

I seem to get the same symptoms leading up to a BFN: cramps – not full on she devil cramps, but around CD24 they start slowly coming on.  I also get itchy breasts – so weird- not sure why.  Also my face has exploded the past few day. 

I am handling this pretty well – no tears, well yet.  I find that I don’t usually cry when I get BFN results, I usually end up crying in my car sometime later. 

I am going to ask the RE if I can do injectibles this cycle.  I really hope they don’t say that they try the same thing 3 times before moving on.  It seems so funny that when we first started I figured “oh I will take clomid with my OB/gyn and have TI and that will get me pregnant” then it was “I will do Clomid with IUI and that will get me pregnant” now I want to move to injectibles.  I never actually considered that we may have to move to IVF – but honestly now I am not so sure we will avoid it.  We are definitely a few cycles from that decision though.  

2 days until testing

CD27, 12DPO

I seriously almost tested yesterday at like 4 pm.  It would have been 11 dpo and not with FMU so I am not sure I would have gotten accurate results, but we were stuck in the house during the hurricane and I really wanted a glass of wine!  Ah the one nice thing about possibly getting a BFN is the wine.  I managed not to test and not to drink any wine, so the waiting game continues, but not for much longer as my blood test is in 2 days.

Thoughts on this cycle: while I try to stay positive I don’t want to get myself all psyched up about getting a BFP.  My temps are so so.  I have been having light cramping for the past 5 days maybe?  My nipples are ichy (yeah not sure why that happens).  And ONE of my boobs is a little sore.  So you can see nothing too compelling.  

Crampy....groan

CD26

I look back at my post on CD26 from last month and notice that I was crampy around this day then too.  So I am thinking these are likely she devil cramps and IUI #2 will be a bust.  I want to stay positive, but when you are cramping like this it is hard to imagine it is anything other than the she devil heading my way.  

We went to see my cousin in the hospital last night.  Her newborn is so sweet and holding her was great, but made me feel like we are still so far from being at that point. 

Temp spike and In-law visits

CD25

This weekend my in laws came to stay with us.  They are from Pennsylvania so they usually come up and stay the weekend when they come.  The visit went well.  Both nights we cooked dinner here and both nights DH and FIL split a bottle of wine.  I should have been smarter and poured myself a half glass and sipped it because MIL pulled DH aside at one point and mentioned that she noticed I wasn't drinking and I was going to the bathroom frequently(??!!).  

So now she thinks I am pregnant even though DH told her I wasn't.  Just a little more added pressure...no biggie.  

This morning my temperature spiked up quite a bit - almost a full degree from yesterday.  I have been having weird sort of stabbing cramps - not the usual she devil cramps, but who knows.  I am sort of thinking to myself "hmm maybe that temp dip followed by spike was an implantation dip?"  Who knows.  A girl can dream!  Well up until the beta this Thursday!

New baby in the family!

CD23

My cousin gave birth to her little girl today.  She went almost 2 weeks after her due date and when the induction didn't work they had to do a c-section.  

The baby is 7lbs 12 oz! Pretty big! I can't wait to see her. 

As happy as I am for my cousin, I still have some pangs of sadness.  We started TTC the same month....and now she has a baby and I have nothing but some bruising from shots!  Must not dwell....

Starting to get nervous about this cycle

CD22

Usually the week after my IUI I am pretty positive.  Now that we are 7 days past IUI I am starting to get the “this probably didn’t work” feeling.  Part of it is because my temp dipped today…not below the coverline but it makes my chart look a little wonky and not like a typical “I am a normal ovulating person.”  I am sort of hoping it is the elusive “implantation dip” that we have all heard of but probably never actually seen. 

The other reason I am beginning to doubt this cycle is because I am starting to feel a slight amount of cramping.  This happened last month too – I got crampy like 7-10 days before the red she devil showed up.  Other than that I don’t have anything going on AF or otherwise symptoms. 

My friend email chain has definitely turned into a baby discussion zone with 2 of my friends now pregnant.  The discussion now is what gender they will have.  Oh please let me be pregnant this cycle so I don’t despise talk of babies from others! 

Feeling Left Behind

Double post day I guess....

Since my first post this morning one of my high school friends emailed our group email letting everyone know she is expecting.  I pretty much knew she was pregnant because she didn't drink during my friend's bachelorette party in August.  This is the second pregnancy announcement from my high school friends within a week. 

It is exciting that friends are starting to have babies, but I can't help but feel left behind.  All I can think about is that we probably started trying way before they did and now they are already 3 months pregnant and we are no where.  I am trying to stay positive about this cycle, but the though of another BFN kills me.  Absolutely kills me.

Tested my trigger

CD21

I tested to see if my trigger shot was gone this morning when I woke up.  If you can see it in the picture there is still a very faint line from the trigger.  I am 8 days past trigger and 6 days past ovulation so it has to be the trigger still.  This is actually the first positive pregnancy test that I have ever had!  Ha sad it is an artificial positive.  I hope I get to see the second line again next week.  

Below is my chart so far this month.  It is pretty similar to last month’s – both times I saw a bit of a drop in temps 4-5 days past ovulation, but then it goes back up. I am surprised that my temp doesn’t rise all that much post ovulation.  I was sort of hoping the increase would be a lot more noticeable.  I wonder if the amount of temp rise has anything to do with the strength of ovulation or amount of progesterone produced – meaning if my temp doesn’t rise much then I may have had a less strong ovulation.