Up and Down

CD 23 11dpt/9dpIUI

Every cramp I feel in my midsection lately I say to myself “well this cycle didn’t work.”  For  some reason in all my past IUI’s I start to get crampy about a week before my period is due.  The cramps this time aren’t very strong, but it still makes me doubt this cycle.   Also my temp dipped a little this morning – not below the cover line but just enough to make me nervous. 

I cried in the car on my way to work today thinking about this cycle failing.  I really should try to be more positive, but the idea of getting that call from the RE right before Christmas and right before our Holiday party where 2 pregnant friends will be attending just makes me feel so sad.  The stakes feel really high for this cycle – the timing and the fact that this is our last Clomid + IUI cycle and we will be moving on to bigger things after this (not sure if that means injectibles or IVF).  If this cycle has failed then I am really afraid for my attitude over Christmas, I really don’t to be the depressed person over the holidays with a sour puss on my face, but it will be really hard to pull out of it.