Just hanging out…hopefully growing some follies

CD7

Tonight will be my last night of Clomid and tomorrow I will give myself the Follistim injection of 150 IU’s.  I watched the video on how to prep the pen and administer the correct amount of medication and it looks pretty easy.  I am very interested in what my monitoring appointment on CD10 shows after using the Follistim on CD8. Usually I have a follicle or 2 at 16-19 mm at my CD12 monitoring while on just Clomid 150 mg.  I am hoping the inject gives me a boost!

It feels like the Clomid is starting to work its magic because at the gym today I started to feel crampy in my ovaries after a while.  I was on the elliptical so it wasn’t too bad, but this probably means running won’t be too comfortable if I try it this week.  No hot flashes yet!  And my mood has been pretty upbeat since the weekend.  Hopefully this stretch continues!

I Survived!

CD5

This weekend was very baby focused.  On Saturday morning I had my CD3 b/w and u/s.  And later in the day I got the “all clear” call to start this next cycle – woohoo!  So I started my 100 mg Clomid for days 3-7 then on day 8 I will do 150 IU's of Follistim and then on day 10 I go for my first monitoring appt!

Then later in the day my cousin came over with her 3 month old baby and her mom (my aunt), my mom and my SIL with my 1.5 year old niece came over to make cookies for my other cousin’s baby shower on Sunday.  It was fun getting together with the ladies of the family, but It was a little tough with all the cooing over the baby. 

On Sunday we had the baby shower for my cousin.  Now I have been dreading this day for a while – not that I don’t love my cousin or her soon to be born baby, but it was tough for me.  I tried to keep busy setting up in the morning and taking people’s coats, etc so I was doing really well.  When she started to open gifts I sort of hung out off to the side.  My other cousin was helping her with the wrapping paper trash and had to go and feed her baby after a while so she asked me to take her place.  So there I am on the couch with my cousin who is opening her baby gifts, and I am trying to do my best to just smile and look positive because we are in front of like 30 people with cameras flashing.  It.was.tough.  Eventually I got out of there and we carried on with the shower and then I helped clean up. 

All in all I did really good, I think.  Yeah it was tough, but I made it through without anyone saying anything like “so when are you going to have a baby?” and without me saying anything bad about pregnant people or babies and whatnot.  When I got home I just collapsed on the couch, I was mentally and physically exhausted.  As much as I love my family, I am sort of excited that we don’t have any family events coming up.  I am sad to say that if the next few cycles don’t work and once my cousin has her baby, I may have to take some “mental health” breaks from family events.  Being the only married couple there without kids while there are 3 babies there might be too much for me to handle.  This makes me really sad, because I am so close with my family, but I need to protect myself. 

On a positive note, today marks 12 years that DH and I have been together!  We met back when we were freshmen in college and have been going strong ever since!  We were talking about all the life events we have been through together and my gosh we have been through the ringer a bit!  He is truly my rock.  

Shit is Getting Real

CD2

Last night my meds for this cycle showed up.  We are upping the ante for this cycle so the contents of the box were much bigger.  It included:

1 Follistim pen

1 Box Follistim capsules

10 Clomid Pills

2 Boxes Crinone Suppositories

1 Ovidrel trigger shot

 1 big sharps container

Alcohol swabs

I was a bit intimidated by the amount of stuff I got.  I am going to have to find a shelf somewhere to store it because it won’t all fit in the kitchen drawer like it used to.  So I am part scared and part excited about this cycle.  I am glad I got the Follistim pen because I was worried about mixing the vials and loading them into the shot myself. 

I added up how much all the meds would have cost if we weren’t covered through insurance and I was really shocked by how much it would have been.  We paid $135 in copays but it would have cost $940 if we were out of pocket.  I am so very thankful that my insurance covers IF, and it really made me feel for the ladies who don’t have coverage.  Making decisions on what to do each cycle is not easy, but having to worry about how much it will cost is a big extra stress that I am thankful we don’t have to worry about. 

Saturday morning I have my CD3 blood work and ultrasound.  I told my SIL I would watch my niece while she had her hair cut on Saturday morning, so I had to take the 7:30 am appointment time.  Nothing beats waking up at 6 am on a Saturday to get stabbed and have a date with the vag cam! I just hope things go smoothly this month with no cysts and good lining!

Sharing is Caring

CD either 31 or 1 (slight spotting will hopefully turn into full red she devil)

I am a little nervous about timing for this month.  If I don’t get the red she devil today then we definitely won’t be doing an IUI this month (probably will still do the meds and TI since DH isn’t an issue).  I would love to get IUI #5 in this month because insurance requires the 6 IUI’s before moving to IVF, and if we can’t do the actual IUI this month then we would still have to do 2 more if they are unsuccessful.  I find it a bit strange that insurance requires the actual IUI and not TI even though DH is not the issue (he always has good counts 100m+, sometimes his motility is slightly under 50%, but not too far under and sometimes it is over 50%). 

Yesterday was a pretty emotional day for me.  I had a goals review meeting with one of the women that I manage and she revealed to me that her and her husband have been trying for over a year to have their second child (their first is 4).  She said she is going to the doctor today to see what is going on.  I told her about our struggles and it felt like a relief to have someone I work with so closely know what is going on.  I hope we can be a good support system for each other. 

I am on an email chain with some friends from high school and yesterday there were 2 posts about my friends becoming aunts, which spurred people to ask about the pregnant ladies on the email chain and so on and so forth.  It all got a bit too much for me to read so I sent a separate email to two of my close friends and vented about what we are going through.  I have kept them somewhat updated, but they didn’t know yet that this past cycle had failed.  Their responses to my email were truly great.  They reinforced to me that my feelings are real and just and that I should feel free to vent to them at any time and that they are there for me.  They were supportive and didn’t give me the “relax, it will happen “ crap.  I am so glad I emailed them because their responses were just what I needed.  

IUI #4 is officially a Bust

CD29, 14dpiui

Well I got the unsurprising call that this cycle had failed today.  I am ok with it – didn’t expect a BFP so no tears…yet.  I am moving on to hoping the red she devil shows up timely so we can move on to a new plan. 

This next cycle will be 100 mg Clomid days 3-7 then an inject shot (not sure what type yet) on day 8, plus progesterone suppositories.  I asked the nurse about giving me something to help my lining (was a 5.3 last cycle) and she said the combination of the lower Clomid dose plus the progesterone should help that, but I am not 100% sold on that.

 I do have higher expectations for this cycle with the added inject and progesterone.  And at least I know that we only need to do 2 more IUI’s before we can move to IVF so it feels like the big guns are closer now. 

My next challenge is making sure my baseline tests are clear so I can start this cycle.  The challenge after that is making it through this weekend.  I am headed to my cousin’s house to make cookies for my other cousin’s baby shower on Sunday.  I am going to have to practice my brave face for the shower and all the opening of gifts.  I just need to keep myself busy and I hope nobody notices if I sneak away during the present opening time.  This type of thing is just getting harder.  I just can’t fucking believe we have done 4 IUI’s and nothing.  

Liebster Award!

This award is given to new or up-and coming-bloggers who have less than 200 followers. The award is then passed along to other bloggers in the same category to help spread the word and support one another. What a fun way to get to know other bloggers! 

If you receive a nomination, there are a few rules to follow: 
1) Each blogger nominated must post 11 things about themselves. 
2) Then answer the 11 questions the tagger has asked. 
3) Blogger must then create 11 questions of their own to ask the bloggers they decide to nominate. 
4) They must choose 11 bloggers with less than 200 followers to nominate and link them on their blog post. 
5) Bloggers must be notified of their award! 
6) No tag backs!

Okay, 11 things about me: 
1.DH and I have been together for almost 12 years

2. I have red hair

3. I prefer Starbucks for my iced coffee and Dunkin Donuts for my hot coffee

4. If I didn't become an accountant I would have gone into an animal related field...I wonder if there is still time. 

5. I have run 3 half marathons

6. Tuscany is my favorite place in the world

7. I love to sing show tunes in my car on the way to work

8. I LOVE to bake things I see on pinterest...I am kind of addicted to Pinterest in general

9. When I was younger I had a thing for squeezing out tubes of things that I really shouldn't (a la Ramona Quimby style).

10.  I am convinced that our first child will be a boy - because I have had 7 pets and they all go boy, girl, boy, girl and a boy is up next!  (unless we get a boy animal in the mean time)

11. I had another blog before this one about trying to "socialize" my dog with my rabbit...the blog was short lived because they really didn't get along. 

Here are the questions for me from Mely
1.  Are you a dog or a cat person (or neither)? Dog person all the way!
2.  What is your New Year's resolution? Take it easy on myself and don't beat myself up for the feelings I have related to IF.
3.  What are 3 items you can't live without? My running sneakers, iPhone and British movies from the 1800's
4.  If you could travel anywhere in the world, where would you go? Tuscany
5.  What is a pet peeve of yours? People who do too much self promoting on facebook
6.  What Disney character can you most relate to? Ariel!  I have always related to her because of our shared hair color!
7.  If you had to do karaoke, what song would you sing? Tom Jones "It's not unusual"
8.  What is one of your guilty pleasures? Turning the gas fireplace on in the office and closing the doors so it gets steamy hot in there!
9.  iPhone, Android, or Windows phone? iPhone
10. What was your favorite Halloween costume? When I was younger I wore a flower girl dress from a wedding I was in and went as little bo peep
11. What is your earliest childhood memory? Climbing trees in my back yard

Most blogs I follow have already been nominated, but here are the few left that I *think* haven't been nominated yet:

Mister Boots The Trials and Adventures of Future Baby Hill

Cara I am the 15%

Ruger My Long Baby Journey

Jenn Infertility and beyond...Hopefully

And here are the 11 questions for my nominees:

1. Are you a morning person or a night owl?

2. How often do you post status updates on Facebook?

3. If you could change your occupation what would you do instead?

4. What was your favorite TV show growing  up?

5. What toppings do you put on  your pizza?

6. Have you ever broken any bones?

7. Signature dish you like to make?

8. Favorite sugary cereal?

9. Favorite season?

10. Other than you DH who would you take on vacation?

11. Favorite clothing store?

That Old Familiar Feeling

CD24, 9 DPIUI

So last night I started to get the familiar cramping feelings.  They usually show up about 23 or 24 days into my cycle and sure enough here they are!  I don’t know why I start to feel crampy about a week before the red she devil shows up – I am wondering if I need to request some progesterone or something to keep them at bay.  Well anyway next cycle I will be on progesterone suppositories anyway with the injects.

I tested this morning to see if the trigger was gone and it is.  I will probably test tomorrow with another wondfo and then with a FRER on Saturday.  It will be 11 days past IUI and my friend’s wedding is that night so I want to test so I can feel more comfortable enjoying a glass of wine or two. 

I don’t really have high expectations for this cycle and I just hope that the she devil shows up in time for us to fit in an IUI before we go on our ski vacation to Colorado.  FX she shows up timely! In order for things to work out she needs to show up by January 24^th, but the 23^rd would be more preferable.  

6 days past IUI

CD21, 6 days past IUI

I worked from home on Friday, which was a nice break from coming into the office after a really busy week.  I like working from home because I can be on gchat (which is blocked at work).  On Friday both of my cousins were on gchat.  I was chatting with one that has a 3 month old (she doesn’t know about our IF).  She said that when I have a baby I should “grow an extra arm” to take care of it.  I responded “well at the rate we are going we are going to end up with twins and then I will be shit out of luck.”  I think she just responded with “oh lol!” probably because she wasn’t sure why we would end up with twins.  In a way I think I was fishing a bit for her to ask me what I meant so that I could tell her about our IF.  She was my made of honor and we have always been really close.  I will be spending some time with her to do prep work for my other cousin’s baby shower so the topic may come up again.  I think I am just tired of putting on a happy face in regards to this – it is tiring. 

My SIL came over on Friday with my 1 year old niece.  My SIL knows of our IF and has been really supportive in asking how we are doing, etc.  She has been a really good support person through this because she never pries and she never gives me the “relax” or “it will happen” crap.  I am so happy to have someone so close by like her.   She gave me the name of her friend who did IVF so I could email and chat with her. 

This morning I went to see a genetic councilor that I had seen about a year and a half ago.  I have a strong history of breast and ovarian cancer in my family and I wanted to have the BRCA 1 & 2 tests done in case I have the genes and we get to IVF.  I was expecting to have the test done through blood work but it turns out they have this saliva kit that you can do where you spit scope and saliva into a tube and they use that – neat!  I hope it comes back negative so we don’t have to worry about it.  She said the test takes like 2 weeks to get results. 

I had a drop in my temp today.  We are 6 days past IUI so it might be implantation, but most likely it is just a dip and doesn’t mean anything.  But a girl can dream…