The call is never easy

CD29, 14dpiui

So even though I had tested yesterday and have been having pretty regular cramps, when that call comes in from the RE and the results are negative it still stings pretty bad.  I was surprised that they called around noon time – maybe they want to hand out the bad news quickly and not string us along.

I asked the nurse about moving to injectibles next cycle and she said that they usually like to do 3 cycles of something before moving on.  She also said that if I wanted to do injectibles next I would need to take a break this cycle and have a consult with the doctor before moving to anything else.  She also mentioned that most likely the next step would be surgery or IVF and that they wouldn’t keep doing IUI’s because “at this point you have been through enough.”  Part of me was excited about the idea of moving to IVF and part of me was shocked that it is so close.  I told the nurse that I would do another round of clomid then probably do a consult with the RE for next steps if that doesn’t work.  The timing would actually work out well – if I do IUI#3 in November and it is unsuccessful then the break would be over the holidays, which makes sense. 

On my way back from the accounting file storage room (where I often find myself taking RE phone calls) I felt the tears starting to well up and didn’t make it back to my cube before two of my coworkers saw me starting to cry.  These are the coworkers that I am closest to at work – 1 girl who is about 5 years younger than me and 1 guy with 2 year old twins.  The girl came up to me and she took me to the bathroom.  She didn’t pry into why I was upset, and I was about to tell her the story when another coworker came in – so I didn’t say anything.  Nobody at work knows about our IF.  I kind of wanted to tell her, but maybe it is better this way. 

I emailed DH to give him the news, he knows the poas test yesterday was negative and that I was feeling crampy so he won’t be surprised either.

I also emailed my mom to let her know and ask her if my aunt who had both breast and ovarian cancer had gotten the BRAC gene testing done.  If I am close to IVF I want to make sure I know what our odds are that my family (and I) have this gene.  Because if there is a chance I can get rid of it for my kids you better believe I am doing it.  Almost all of my female relatives (on both sides) have had breast cancer – luckily we haven’t lost one from it yet.