Ovulating on my own?

CD17

Well the answer to the question above is: most likely not, but there is a chance.  Yesterday was CD16 and I actually noticed egg white CM in the morning plus had some twinging down in my right ovary area.  I know it is a bit naïve to think that I might actually ovulate on my own this cycle, but I suppose having down 2 months of consecutive Clomid 150 mg that there may be some residual meds in my system that are growing follicles (in addition to some nice cysts of course).  So I will keep temping and we will wait and see but I am not being very optimistic for this cycle – just praying next cycle starts promptly!

So this weekend we celebrated by grandfather’s 90^th birthday!  My grandfather is awesome and so with it for a 90 year old man.  I can’t believe it when he tells me a story and says that it happened 60 years ago – hard to imagine being alive for that long!

 To be honest with you I was dreading the party a little bit.  My cousin gave birth about 3 weeks ago and my other cousin is about 5 ½ months pregnant.  It was nice to see and hold the baby and that wasn’t really a problem for me.  The thing that made me sad was when my cousins were talking about being pregnant.  I was sad to not be able to join in the conversation – I sort of felt like a sad infertile person who had to sit in the corner while fertile people got to talk about how terrible their hormones were and how they were craving this and that.  I know they don’t know that this conversation hurt me – they don’t even know we are dealing with IF –but it just made me want to crawl into a hole and cry. 

I am still debating whether I should let my extended family know what we are dealing with.  We are so close that it just feels weird when they ask “how are you doing” and I just answer “good, good” when that is far from the truth.  Honestly my main reason for not saying anything is that I don’t want people to act differently around me.  I don’t want pity, I don’t want people not to talk about their own babies or pregnancies and I definitely don’t want any “just relax” type comments.  But sometimes I think that a few more prayers or some more support might help.  Also – if we do have to do IVF and I do tell the family – then they would know the timing most likely and if we did end up with a BFP people would probably know before we are ready to tell people.  So all in all I think keeping it to ourselves seems like the best decision – for now at least. 

Also - side note - i am so loving the 'secret' pinterest boards!  These are boards that people don't see what you pin - so of course i promptly set up my secret IF board and a secret baby board!