Finally done with pills (well for now)

CD49:

Well I took my last dose of progesterone last night.  Now I have to just sit back and wait for the red she devil to show up before I can go in for CD3 b/w and u/s.  I am hoping she shows up soon!  

I am not sure if it is due to taking the progesterone but for the last couple of weeks my skin is that of a teenager!  Parts of it are so broken out and shiny and then the next patch is dry and flaky!  I hope once I get my period this goes away.  

Also I am not sure if it has anything to do with all these IF medications, but over the past few months I have gone up about 7-8 lbs in weight.  Could just be an Italian vacation followed by weddings and summer BBQ's but I haven't been these heavy in about 5 years.  So with the combination of weight gain and acne I am definitely not feeling stellar about my appearance these days.  

I am home today with Winnie since she has been having diarrhea in her crate for the past couple days.  Poor thing!  Although it is kind of nice staying with her and working from home, I hope that it isn't anything serious. 

She loves sitting in the chair in the office and looking out the window as I work!

Planning is fun

CD47

As we get closer to the end of the progesterone pills I am starting to plan out the timing of this cycle.  If I take my last pill on Wednesday night it is possible for me to have a CD1 of Friday…most likely Saturday though.  I am wondering if being on progesterone for 12 days instead of the 7 days I did before will have any impact on the length and strength of my period.  Hopefully it will stay around 4-5 days.

So if CD1 is Friday then CD3 will be on Sunday.  It isn’t ideal to have to go get blood work and an ultrasound on a Sunday during Labor Day weekend, but at least we have no concrete plans.  Then I would be taking Clomid Sunday night through Thursday night with a CD 12 ultrasound on Tuesday the 11^th.  Then hopefully doing the IUI sometime that week.  

I am a little nervous that first ultrasound won’t show any large follicles because I feel like since my cycles are longer that I would ovulate later, but I am not sure how the Clomid plays into this.  Hopefully it grows some big ones (but not too many) quickly! 

It is kind of sad that before we even begin this cycle I am thinking of what we should do next cycle if this doesn’t work. I should have a little more positivity now that I am under the care of a specialist, but I guess I don’t want to get too excited (although I am sure I will still get excited during the 2ww).  I have no way of knowing if this round of Clomid will even have an impact on me!  Here’s to hoping!

Secret’s Out

CD46, Day 10 of taking progesterone

After a really fun weekend it is back to work today L boo.  This weekend I was at a bachelorette party for my friend that is getting married in 2 weeks.  The weekend was a lot of fun.  We went out on a lake and swam, had some adult beverages and did a lot of girl talking! 

From my very scientific analysis I think one of my friends on the trip is pregnant.  Reasons: she didn’t drink, eat lunch meat, drink coffee.  And I am pretty sure she usually does these things.  Also she mentioned that she and her husband were trying.  So maybe she isn’t pregnant yet, but has given these things up in preparation. 

At night all the girls were hanging around chatting and the topic of my pregnant cousin came up.  Many months ago I had mentioned to one friend that we were going through some issues with my cycles and she asked me what was going on with that.  I basically told them the whole story of what was up with me.  It just kind of spewed out – like it was built up in me for so long and it was nice to have a chance to talk about it with close friends.  I am sure having some drinks contributed to my verbal diarrhea, but it felt good. 

One of my friends mentioned that a friend of hers, who is an acquaintance of mine, is also starting to undergo treatments.  I told her to tell her friend that if she ever wants to talk about it with me I am totally open to that. 

So all in all my friends were pretty receptive – I just don’t know what this means going forward.  I am not sure if they will just put it to the back of their mind – or will they ask me about…just not sure.  Hopefully it will be a good support system, but I have heard some horror stories on The Bump so i won’t be surprised if I get unwelcome advice, comments, etc.  I did find out one of my friends also has PCOS and has long periods (usually gets 1 in a 3 month span) so I hoping I can be a resource for her if she finds she has trouble when her and her future husband start trying. 

Other than all that I am still patiently waiting to finish up my 12 day round of progesterone so hopefully the red she devil will be showing up sometime this weekend. 

Some Improvement?

CD:42

I think I starting to see a little improvement in my skin...might be the new toner I started using, but hopefully whatever craziness my hormones were going through is over that was causing the break outs.  

Still taking the progesterone to kick start the red she devil...so just waiting waiting.  That is one thing I dislike about this - the waiting.  Waiting to start a new cycle, waiting for tests to be run, waiting to find the right medicine and doses that will make me ovulate.  I try to be a patient person but it really gets to me.  

I have been trying to keep myself busy with projects.  Below is one I completed last weekend.  I took a rather hideous looking picture that DH picked up at a yard sale and painted over the painting with chalkboard paint.  The frame the picture was in is quite nice so we are left with a nice portable chalkboard that we can use for dinner parties and other events.  

I wrote a quote in it today because I am not sure what we are having for dinner tonight!  Hopefully I can improve my handwriting and artwork by using it more frequently!

To tell or not to tell?

So far in our TTC journey we have only told a very small group of people that 1) we are actually TTC and 2) we are having trouble and seeing an RE.  This list includes my mother, sister-in-law and brother. 

I am a pretty private person to begin with – I occasionally post pictures, etc on facebook but it is mostly pictures of our dog or a picture of vacation, etc, but I am not a big sharer –especially when the info is very personal. 

Recently I have been thinking about letting other people know about our TTC challenges – not sure why I have the desire to tell people – maybe so they understand what I am going through or so they understand why I am sensitive to the “when are you having kids” question.  I am sure people are starting to wonder why we haven’t had kids yet – we have been married for nearly 3 years, are almost 31, have a house, dog, savings, etc .  So it seems like everything is prepped for kids…just no kids.

I have heard from others on the Trouble TTC board that once they told coworkers/friends/family that they started to get more questions and comments like “it will happen when it is supposed to happen” or advice, etc. 

I think another reason I haven’t told people is because I don’t want the looks of pity “poor Caity she can’t have kids”

If anyone else is facing this – what did you do?  Did you tell others?  What was the impact of that?

Some days are better than others

CD40:

I was having a really tough day yesterday.  On my drive home I couldn’t stop thinking about how much it sucks that you spend a big chunk of your adult life trying hard to prevent pregnancy and then when you have taken all the steps to prepare for having a baby (save money, by house, travel, etc) it seems like it is impossible to get!  Actually correct: it is impossible for us to get.  Everyone else seems to be able to decide they want to get pregnant and then it actually happens for them. 

I know everyone’s path to having a baby is different and I shouldn’t compare ours to other people’s…I just wish our path wasn’t so tough.  This would be a lot easier if I had some sort of definite range – like ok you have to wait 6 months but then you will DEFINITELY be pregnant in that time.  The not knowing what medication or procedures will work or when they will work is driving me nutty. 

Whenever I get into one of these funks I need to remind myself of how fortunate I am in other aspects of my life: loving husband, good job, no money troubles, fertility costs are covered under insurance, etc.  Things could be a lot worse.  This whole infertility thing just gets me down – I can’t help but think “I had to watch my father die of cancer and you can’t take it easy on me with this? Really? I can’t catch a break with this after going through that?”  But I guess these are the things in life that make us stronger – just have to remind myself that.  

Not the answer I was looking for

CD39: still no sign of red she devil.  I started taking the provera 2 days ago.  I am still sort of hoping that she shows up before the 12 days of provera I have to take is done.  I called my RE and asked why they prescribe it for 12 days when my ob/gyn only had me take the same dose for 7.  Sadly I missed the call back and the message they left just said “sometimes people don’t get their periods from only 7 days so the doctors usually prescribe it for 12 to be safe.  So I will wait.

I am sort of second guessing things I did this month thinking “maybe if I didn’t go on those two 13 mile runs my period wouldn’t have stalled out. “ but honestly it probably stalled out because I have taken any Clomid, etc for a few months and my cycle is reverting back to it’s normal no period ways.  Also my face is still going crazy – I am going to have to wear a brown bag over my head if this keeps up! 

Fertility Friend decided to give me some “free VIP days” I wish this extra info would tell me something other than “no you still don’t ovulate”  Ugh if this cycle gets any longer it won’t fit on the page!