The Talk

CD32

So last night I met up with my two cousins for dinner.  I knew I was going to spill the beans on our IF, but I wasn’t sure how to work it into the conversation.  We caught up with each other first and talked about Easter coming up and other things.  After our dinners had come and there was a lull in the conversation I said “well since April is coming up and National Infertility Awareness week is in April, I wanted to let you guys know about what DH and I have been going through.”  At this point I, of course, started to tear up and cry, but I muscled through and just kind of blurted the rest out.

They told me that had a feeling something was up with us, but didn’t want to pry.  They asked me questions about treatment and really didn’t say anything bad, so I was very happy about that.  One said that she wished she had known, because she was nervous she had said stupid stuff during her pregnancy, etc. but I told her I didn’t want our issues to affect how they talked about their pregnancies and their babies (and I hope them knowing now won’t change things either). 

The only thing that was said that rubbed me the wrong way was when my cousin told me to “enjoy this time now”  I get what she means, she has a 5 month old and life is pretty crazy, but it is hard for me to “enjoy this time” when I don’t know when we will get pregnant.   Although she also told me that I was “brave” so it sort of made up for that comment.

After I got home I thought of a good analogy for how I feel.  It is as if DH and I are standing on a train platform, our bags are packed, we have our tickets, but the trains just keep passing us by.  The trains have our friends and family members on them, they are chatting and laughing and we are just there waiting.  There are other couples on the platform too, but they are far away from us and in the shadows. 

I do feel somewhat of a sense of relief having told them what’s up…now we just have to see how it goes from here!